


Someone to Lean On

by elizawrites



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 22:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18765445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizawrites/pseuds/elizawrites
Summary: Vic once said to Travis that she has never lost a husband so she couldn't understand what he was going through. Now she lost Lucas and she understands all too well and he just wants to help her.or Travis tries to help Vic cope with her loss





	Someone to Lean On

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever story for ao3 and I'm kind of nervous but I just really needed to get this out there after that last episode. I hope you like it. Let me know if there's anything you think I should fix :)
> 
>  
> 
> edit: so I changed the ending of this. But I hope you guys still like. :)

He hates the world for making Vic feel like this. He hates the world so much for taking away such a bright spot in her life. He hates the world with all he has for making his vivacious, loving, caring, loyal, determined best friend go through what he went through. He hates the world.

 

But most of all, he hates himself.

 

There was a time when Travis would have given anything to have someone understand what he went through with Michael. He knew there were people out there, he knew he wasn’t the only one, but Travis didn’t feel like talking to strangers about something so personal was something he could do. So there were moments, a few more than he’s willing to admit, where he craved having someone close to him understand. Where he just wanted someone he knew, someone he _trusted_ to spill all of his feelings out to and have them say ‘I know. I get it. Here’s what I did that helped.’

 

Now Vic knows. She gets it. And he hates himself for wishing it to happen. Somewhere deep inside he knows it’s not his fault, that he didn’t directly wish this horror on his best friend, but it doesn’t stop the rush of guilt that he feels. It doesn’t ebb the flow at all.

 

Travis is numb when Vic comes out of the room with her emotionless face, tear tracks fading, and eyes shining. He’s numb when he hears Dr. Pierce call time of death. He’s numb for too long before he realizes that Vic has left completely and he doesn’t know where she is.

 

He doesn’t say a thing to the rest of their team, just rushes towards the general direction that he best friend went in and hopes he can find her. He gets outside and finds her staring at the cloudless night sky. The night seems darker than it ever has been and the stars feel like their shining just a little bit brighter. He notices how bright some of those stars look and remembers the bright light that used to be in Vic’s eyes before Ripley stood her up, before he collapsed, before he ended up in a hospital, before he. . .

 

He notices one particularly bright star and he recalls that night in the grass with their patient during the blackout. Travis has given up on learning the constellations but he would still look up at the night sky to admire the stars whenever he got the chance. He looks at that bright, bright star for some reason, as it twinkles back at him, he thinks it’s Ripley, looking down on Vic, on Travis, on their team, making sure that she’s okay, that they help her to be okay. He sees a tinier star next to the bright one and figures since he’s claiming stars are people, that that one is Michael. He was never one to be boastful or outgoing so of course, he would be tiny. It comforts him to think that he has his husband looking down on him and his best friend has her fiancé looking down on her in this moment.

 

Travis takes a deep breath and moves the stars to the back of his mind. He cautiously walks up to Vic. He makes sure she can fully see him before placing a hand on her shoulder. He doesn’t want to frighten her in such a fragile state. Normally, she would have jumped and punched Travis in the arm for scaring her but she doesn’t even flinch. There is no trace of a fight left in her eyes. She’s a hollowed out, numb and unflinching to the world around her.

 

It breaks Travis’s heart.

 

“Hey, Vic. What are you doing out here?”

 

She doesn’t move her eyes from the sky. They are filling with tears once again and he knows that if she looked at him she would probably cry again and she doesn’t want to do that. He knows and he’s okay with it.

 

“I-I just wanted to go home.” Her voice cracks and it’s filled with all the tears she refuses to let fall. Her voice is weak and fragile and broken. Travis has never heard it _so_ broken.

 

He rubs at his chest where his scar and his heart hurt. “I know.” Because he does. He knows how she feels, how helpless, how lost, how hurt. He knows. It’s killing him that she had to feel the same way that he did not so long ago. It’s painful. So very painful.

 

Travis gets out his phone and sees a message from Dean, saying he had his car and is offering to take Vic home. He quickly types out a message to reply, saying that he and Vic are in the parking lot and will wait for him there. He pockets his phone after hitting send and focuses back on Vic. She’s still staring at the sky but some traitorous tears have escaped and were making their way down her face.

 

God. Nothing’s hurt this bad since Michael. And he was nearly stabbed in the heart.

 

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself against the onslaught of emotions. He glances back up at that tiny star. _Babe, I’m going to need some of your strength for this_. Travis puts his hands in his pockets and resigns to stare up at the sky with her. He steals a glance at Vic and sees she had the tiniest of smiles on her face. She’s probably thinking of a bittersweet moment with Lucas and doesn’t realize she’s smiling through the pain. Travis feels a rush of relief at seeing her express something other than sadness. He looks back at the sky, questioning whether or not to mention what he thought earlier. He decides it’s okay but to leave out a certain part.

 

He’s still looking at the night sky when he speaks. “Do you see that really, really bright star just above us?” He sees her nod out of the corner of his eye. “Do you see that tiny star next to it? That little one that’s just not as big but probably is just as bright?”

 

Vic stops staring to give him a look. He can see that the tears have disappeared from her eyes but they are still red-rimmed and her nose is runny. She’s looking at him like he grew another head but he won’t turn to look at her. He needs her to understand and to take her mind off her pain.

 

Travis points to the tiny star. “I think that tiny star is Michael. You see, he was the best. The absolute _best_. He was amazing and he loved with every piece of his soul. He wanted to save the world. That’s why he became a firefighter, to save everyone and anyone he could. He saved me a couple of times, literally and figuratively. But even though he was so great, he never bragged about it. Not once. He was humble, so down to earth, and never arrogant. I think he’s the tiny star because of that. Because even though he was just as great and amazing as the rest of the stars in the sky and easily the greatest person in my life, he didn’t think so of himself. He was small but the brightest light in the world.”

 

Vic’s smile is watery but Travis is so happy he got a genuine smile out of her that he’s okay with the tears. He breathes a sigh of relief, happy he took her mind off her pain, even if it was only for a moment. Vic looks back at the stars he was talking about.

 

Dean pulls up to them with his car at that moment. Vic kind of looks at it in shock before Dean gets out to let them in. He opens the back door and Vic slides into the seat on the other side, giving their teammate a grateful smile before doing so. Travis pats Dean on the shoulder before he sits down next to Vic. Dean files back into the driver seat and slowly makes his way towards Vic’s apartment. Travis notices Vic staring out the window with clouded eyes. He doesn’t like that look on her face so he reaches out for her, pulling on her arm for a second. When she looks at him, he pats the top of his thigh. She understands and takes off her seatbelt to lay her head in Travis’s lap. He rests a hand on her shoulder, rubbing circles into her sleeve with his thumb. Dean had glanced back when he heard Vic’s seatbelt click and he finds her lying comfortably on Travis. He slows down the car, more careful of his surroundings because of how Vic is now laying. Dean reaches back, searches for Vic’s hand for a second, then grabs it and holds it gently in his atop the center console.

 

Travis’s heart warms at the sight of solidarity between the three of them. He knew then that Vic would be okay. He knew then that Vic would fare better than he did because she has a whole family surrounding her. She has the entire team at Station 19 rallying around her whenever she needs it. He knows she’ll be okay because she has him and Dean and Andy and Maya and Jack and Ben and Sullivan and they’ll be there for her to make sure she makes it out.

 

They will always be there for her.

 

Dean pulls in front of her building and stops his car. He’s reluctant to let go of her hand to switch gears into park but he knows he should so he does. It’s Dean pulling his hand away that shakes Vic out of her trance and makes her realize where they are. Travis rubs her shoulder before she sits up, allowing him to unbuckle and slide out of the car. He gives Dean a grateful look when he stays in the car and doesn’t try to push Vic any farther tonight. Dean nods in understanding, hands Travis her things that he picked up when he went back to the station, and quietly asks Travis to text him if anything happens. Travis nods then goes to the other side of the car to let Vic out. He helps her to her apartment, fishing for her keys in her bag, and lets them in. He sets her stuff down then leads her towards the couch. She sits down in a daze.

 

Travis takes another deep breath. _She’s not going to be completely silent, she’s just processing_ , he thinks to himself. He looks around, trying to find something to do for her. His eyes land on her kitchen. Travis mutters to her that he’ll be right back, which she probably wouldn’t have heard anyways, then heads to the kitchen. He figures she probably hadn't had anything to eat all day so he focuses on making her something. He looks in her fridge and finds a bowl with some fruits in it. He takes it out and scoops some onto a plate for her. He doesn't give her much, figuring she doesn't want to eat a lot. He goes to her pantry, trying to find something, anything else he can get her to eat right now. He finds peanut butter and remembers seeing jelly in her fridge. He knows it's not much but it's something. Travis makes her a sandwich as quick as he can then places it on the plate. He gets her a glass of water then heads back out into the living room.

 

Vic didn't change her position much since he left. Instead of sitting with her feet planted firmly on the floor, she has them curled up under her like she wants to fall into a fetal position but refuses to. She's leaning an arm again the back of the couch and staring off into nothing. Travis sits down next to her, placing the glass and the plate on the table. He steels himself before looking at her again. He never thought looking at Vic would be painful. But seeing her in this much hurt? It's actually hurting him.

 

"Hey, Vic?" She looks over when he says her name and he raises his eyebrows at her in an expectant way. He points in the general direction of the table. "You think you could eat something for me?"

 

He watches her debate it for a second like she's thinking about refusing but she shakes her head once then moves to grab some food off the plate. Travis just sits next to her, trying not to watch and celebrate every time she eats a grape or takes a bite of the sandwich. She offers him some and he doesn't want to refuse her so he slowly picks at the pile of fruit. Only eating one after she's taken three. Soon enough the glass is empty and the food is gone. She places the plate down on the table again and sighs at Travis.

 

He places a hand on her knee. "How about you go get some rest? Go get changed and I'll clean this stuff up," he says and motions towards the remnants of their scarce meal. "I promise I'll come back and say goodnight before I leave, okay?"

 

Vic nods, her face becoming determined for just a moment. It's almost as if she's glad for having a task to tackle, even if it's something as minute as getting ready for bed. She stands up and heads towards her room. She stops before she gets there and turns around. "T-Trav?" Her voice cracks from the recent unuse but it's slowly starting to sound like the Vic he knew before this shit storm hit her.

 

He whips his head up and looks back at her, ready to do anything, _literally anything_ , for her. "Yeah?"

 

She looks down at the floor then back up at him. The intense look in her brown eyes is enough for him to know that something serious is coming. “I just wanted to say thank you for. . . “ She pauses, clears her throat, and tries again. “Thank you for. . . “ She gives up trying to put it into words. “Just thank you.”

 

Travis’ eyes begin to water. “It’s not a problem. You know I would do anything for you. I’m always here for you.”

 

She gives him another small smile then heads into her room to get ready for bed.

 

Travis lets out a huge breath and flops back onto her couch. This has been a very long and painful day. What he wouldn’t give to be able to go home and wash the day off like it never happened. But he knows he can’t do that. He’s just going to have to go through this with Vic one day at a time. Nothing more, nothing less. He looks towards the ceiling and thinks of the stars that are hiding behind it. He recalls the star he named Michael. _I’m hoping you’ll be watching out for me and her, babe. I know she’s got Ripley but she’s gonna need all three of us and then some to get her through this_.

 

Travis sits back up and grabs the plate and the glass. He places the plate next to the sink, wanting to get a glass of water for himself before he did anything else. He refills the glass, drinking the whole thing in one go. He refills the glass again but this time for Vic and with ice. He sets it aside then begins to put away the things he used to make the sandwich. He places her bread back in the bin she has for it. He puts the peanut butter in the pantry and the jelly back in the fridge. Travis then washes the plate and the knife. There are a few other miscellaneous dishes in the sink that he washes by hand instead of placing in the dishwasher. He even dries them all with a hand towel and searches her cabinets for a bit to find where they all go. Once her kitchen is back to being spotless, Travis picks up the glass of water and heads to Vic's room. He knocks on the door and doesn't hear anything so he deems it okay to enter.

 

His heart sinks when he pushes open the door open.

 

Instead of lying in bed already halfway asleep like he wished she was, Vic's sitting on the floor of her room staring at her bed. She's looking at it like it's something out of a nightmare, which is probably an accurate assessment at the moment. Her expression is haunted and Travis can only imagine the sheer amount of memories and feelings that are flooding her in this moment. He remembers how he felt staring at their bed after Michael died. He remembers. His chest aches just a little bit.

 

Travis sets the glass of water on top of her dresser then sits down on the floor next to her. He doesn't want to push her, so he sits and waits until she speaks before speaking himself. It's hard for a few moments because he wants nothing more than to alleviate her pain but after a while, she speaks up.

 

"I-I don't. . . I don't think I-" Her voice breaks off and she takes a deep breath. "I don't think I c-can sleep in _our_ bed."

 

Travis notices the way she says our bed and he remembers how hard it was to sleep in his own bed after Michael died. He remembers thinking, how can a bed to from ours to just mine? He remembers petulantly telling someone, gosh he doesn't even remember _who_ , that he didn't want his own bed. He wanted to share his bed with his husband. He knows how hard it is.

 

He clears his throat then speaks without looking at her. "I know. After Michael died, I couldn't sleep in our bed for six months. I just couldn't get over the fact that something of ours had gone to just mine so quickly. I didn't want it to be my bed. I wanted it to be _ours_. I'll have you know I sounded exactly like a child when I said that." He chuckles and notices a small smile from her. He continues. "At first I just fell asleep on the couch with the TV playing in the background to make up for the silence. Then after a couple of nights of waking up with a crick in my neck, I took my pillow off the bed and laid out on the couch. It was about as comfortable as you could guess. People started to notice so I tried to sleep in our bed but I just couldn't. I couldn't even bring myself to lay under the covers. I'm pretty sure the comforter collected almost half a pound of dust." There's that smile again and Travis' heart feels full for the first time that night.

 

"So instead of actually sleeping in my bed, I took all the blankets off and my pillows, except I left his. I. . . I couldn't bring myself to touch his pillow. I made a little blanket fort on the floor right in front of my bed. Right about here actually." He motions to where they are sitting. "It was surprisingly comfortable. I build a mean blanket fort. For someone reason, I just could not sleep in that bed. It hurt too much. I did the blanket fort for a couple of months then one day I was looking for something in Michael's nightstand. Gosh, I don't even remember what it was but I sat down on the bed for whatever reason and I caught a whiff of his pillow. It still smelled like him, exactly like him. Even after all that time, his pillow _still_ smelled like him. I buried my face in it and cried like a baby. I cried myself to sleep that night and that was the first time I slept in that bed in six months. And let me tell you, that was the worst night of sleep I had in six months." Vic full-on laughs at that and Travis is so happy that he almost forgets he's still telling her a story. "There's something about going from a blanket fort to a mattress that just kills your back." She's still giggling. "Anyways, I get it, Vic. Even after that night, it took me a while to actually sleep in that bed. So," he says as he stands up to get her pillow and her comforter off the bed. He places the comforter on the floor and the pillow on top of it. He takes another blanket and places it on top of them.

 

Vic gives him a confused look. "What are you doing?"

 

Travis gives her a 'duh' look. "I'm making a blanket fort." He holds his hands up, now this isn't my best work because I rushed it but hey, it's something." He notices she's still looking at him weirdly. "I'm going to stay here for the night. It's late and I don't want to go home. You okay with that?"

 

Vic gives him a grateful smile, her eyes welling with tears. "I'm disappointed in your blanket fort, Montgomery. I expected better."

 

Travis' eyes almost bulge out of his head at the sound of her making a joke. He's so, so _happy_ that she's making a shitty jab at him. He has to stop himself from rushing forward to wrap her in a giant bear hug. He tries to recover quickly but he thinks she noticed him pause. If she did, she doesn't say anything and neither does Travis.

 

"I promise you that one day I will make you the greatest blanket fort you have ever seen."

 

They share a smile and both lay down at the same time. Travis lays down on his back, putting an arm behind his head and staring at the ceiling. He thinks briefly of the stars beyond but is distracted by Vic putting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his one. She snuggles a little closer to him, close enough that he feels her breath on his neck. It's this closeness that allows him to feel more than hear what she says next.

 

"Travis Montgomery you are the best person and the comfiest pillow."

 

Travis smiles softly to himself. "Always, Vic, always."

 

They stay like that, Travis listening to Vic's breathing as she tries to fight the pull of sleep. He holds tightly to her hand, rubbing soothing circles into her skin. He's happy to be there for Vic, to help her through her tough times, to ease her pain even if it's only a little. He will always, always be there for her. As long as Travis Montgomery is alive, Victoria Hughes will have someone to lean on.


End file.
